troxi

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A directory of all of my blog posts so far, click on the post you want to view to be taken to the right page.

Blog title

8/10/24 - Troxi

blank words

LAST EDITED: N/A

writing!

Forenotes:
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Lots of love, Troxi x

Songs of November

18/11/24 - Troxi

1641 Words

LAST EDITED: n/a

We're gonna ignore that it's already over halfway through the month. A guy's been busy!
I've dedicated this month mostly to songs I've listened to that are more emotional in some way. This is a tie-in post with my previous article this month about the emotional responses of music, so this SOTM is a little treat to extend that article I guess :)
Originally, this lineup was different, but while copying over my notes and drafts I decided to completely change a song. Sorry LC! you got shafted for once. x

• Songs of November Playlist

1. Ice Cream and Sunscreen - Martha

I don’t really have a good track record with fireworks. This song explores that a lot for me, a simplistic start and an awesome breakdown. I love songs that feature a lyric maybe unsolicited that causes the breakdown; to me I feel a lot like something small can cause something huge, a chain, a reaction, a butterfly effect, whatever you wanna call it. ICAS is 100% one of those songs I bounce down the road to, it’s interesting to me in that I think you can read this song contextually in very different ways. It can be a song that makes you happy, or a song that upsets, and brings out the worst in your memories. Certain lyrics like “August sort of stifled your potential, didn’t it?” resonate hard if you know of an event, of a person, of anything in August that brought you down. Honestly, this song for me is entirely self indulgent in that I relate to a lot of it massively, but I still think it encapsulates everything good about modern-day punk music. (Martha self-describe themselves as a punk band, don’t come for me!)

Favourite lyric: Our birthday's came and went unnoticed again.

2. 2007, The Year Punk Broke (My Heart) - Los Campesinos!

2007 is (in my opinion) one of LC’s best sleeper hits. 2007 is almost 5 minutes long, but 4 of those minutes are pure instrumental. For me to rate an instrumental song high- you know it’s gotta be good!
2007 amplifies everything I love about early LC, the instrumentation includes classics such as the (trombone? Trumpet? Cello? Something) and the classic LC glockenspiel, building up over the course of the 5 minute song to all end in a breakdown at the last moment. The song itself is super repetitive, but manages to add and remove sections in a way that still makes it interesting to listen to and progressive in its own way. It manages to slowly yet constantly ramp up instrumentally whilst keeping the exact same melody and chords, which is super impressive for such a short song to end off LC’s first studio album, “Hold on now, youngster.”
I used to skip this song as I felt it was long-winded, but as of recent its stuck in my mind. The song is a great ending to the twee, emo, indierock album HONY is, and the lyrics at the start perfectly sum up the time period it was made in. 2007 is basically a time capsule, and one I hold near to my heart.

Favourite lyric: The summer of 2007; the summer that punk rock broke my heart.

3. The Right Way Around - Daughter

TRWA is a track close to my heart for a few different reasons. This song was made for the Life is Strange soundtrack, specifically being the menu music to the incredibly sad game, “Before the storm.”
Daughter was commissioned to write the entire soundtrack to this game, and this song perfectly fits the struggles of the main characters. I’ve been listening to this track a lot more recently since I’ve been replaying through the Life is Strange trilogy (well, there’s four of them now!) and there’s something beautiful about the tone and breakdown of this song. The distorted vocals and lyric-less nature of the song adds a lot to the environment of Arcadia Bay, before the storm, and it holds up beautifully on its own outside the game. For the unknowing, LIS as a game explores themes of time travel and quantum mortality, in that the protagonist of the game (spoilers) saves the life of her friend over and over again, only to be faced with the option of going back and letting her die for the sake of an entire town or choosing her and rebuilding their life elsewhere. Before the storm explores that friend’s tragic life before the, well, storm, and what led her to the choices in the main game. It’s a heartwarming tribute to the experiences of queer love and the trauma involved with losing your father and the fallout which comes with it. I resonate with this as someone who manages to fit both those categories, and therefore this music is near and dear to my heart. TRWA is a short track, cashing in only at 2:40, but the buildup towards the metaphorical storm of the song is tragic, and in its own way perfectly fitting. If you want to learn more on the emotional afflictions with music, I’ve written a long blog post mentioning things similar to this.

Favourite lyric: N/A

4. The Ballad of the Costa Concordia - carseatheadrest

Where do I even start.
This song truly is a ballad. At a whole 11 and a half minutes long, this song is a beautiful example of the human emotion using real life examples. The Costa Concordia is a ship which sank in 2012, a cruise boat around the Mediterranean sea. It struck a rock on a diversion and sank. CSH uses this tragedy to their advantage, comparing the sinking of the Costa Concordia to the sinking of mental health and to the lack of preparation for adult life, the sinking of the ship just hours after port to him failing in his young adult life. The song’s most chilling, and in my opinion best part is the long breakdown that builds up from a lack of care to an almost potent anger. The last few lines of the breakdown are chilling, comparing the drowning of the people onboard the ship to the feeling of drowning in your own bedroom, into a deep depression.
This song is one of those perfect songs to scream to, to lament to. Many relate to the feeling of being let out of the nest too early; feeling unable to cope with the stress of life. Especially those that feel underprepared due to a lack of care by parents, whether their parents aren’t around physically or mentally. The feeling is frustrating, the struggle of life is incredibly well-shared, especially in the current day and age of COVID, and feeling unprepared due to the amount of time wasted by the national lockdowns and pandemic. TBOTCC as a song lyrically is beautiful, and after the breakdown the song totally switches up. The song gives up its anger and replaces it with apathy, happily stating he’s given up. There are plenty of things wrong; but the writer can no longer bother to put effort into caring about them.
And finally, at the outro of the song, melodically it changes completely. The subject has changed; it’s no longer lamenting at the loss of themselves, but putting action towards another. The lack of care is gone. They care again. And all their care is placed into this person dear to them.
I believe this song is a great musical example of the trials and tribulations of a mental breakdown from start to finish; the only thing I’ve found which perfectly describes the entire process. TBOTCC is a beautiful, relevant song even to this day, and the anger and potency of the lyrics can be felt amazingly through the biggest speaker you own, or a half broken earphone wire.

Favourite lyrics: And God won’t forgive me, and you won’t forgive me, not unless I open up my heart.
And how am I supposed to do that?
When I go to this same room every night, and sleep in the same bed every night?
The same fucking bed, with the red comforter with the white stripes, and the yellow ceiling light that makes me feel like I’m dying.
This sea is too familiar;
How many nights have I drowned here?
How many times have I drowned?

LONG I KNOW. Sorry, I feel like you can't seperate this absolutely monumental breakdown!!

5. Six Men Getting Sick Six Times (Mendable) - Martha

I’ve fallen head over heels for this song over the last month or two; a beautiful muted acoustic song that envelops everything I want from it. This song speaks for itself mostly, it’s a stripped back guitar song carried by the lyrics and vocals. A shorter hit at less than 2 and a half minutes, it’s a stark contrast to some of the longer hits I have on this list. I included this last minute as it’s a really beautiful emotional song, it goes to show songs don’t have to be long and drawn out to evoke that response. The song’s core theme is directed at a person that the writer loves, making the most of what they have (“Who needs Tenerife when we’ve got Whitley Bay?”)

Favourite lyric: I've been called a lot of things I'm not ashamed to say; things like "too political," "hyper cynical" But kind-of funny felt okay.

Forenotes:
This one took a while because I was debating on the songs and the amount of content to put in; It's a struggle to condense my thoughts especially in more acoustic songs because it's super hard to get my words onto paper sometimes haha. I had the draft for this written out a few weeks ago, but always felt it was lacking something. I still do, but hopefully you can still appreciate my word vomit.
Lots of love, Troxi x

P.S I made a really bad stripped cover (like 10 minutes of figuring out the chords haha) of Mendable, if you wanna hear it :)

• Mendable (Cover)

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The emotional capabilities of Modern Music

05/11/24 - Troxi

1512 Words

LAST EDITED: 06/11/24 - typo

• Troxi's feel bad hits Playlist

Have you ever listened to a song, track, or album that’s made you feel like shit?
The answer is probably yes. If you’re like me, you have a whole collection of songs that make you feel like shit. Strangely, though, to some it’s comforting. You may use these songs, this album, this personalized playlist, to listen to when you’re upset. Though it makes you MORE upset. So what’s up with that?Psychology in music plays a huge role in how our brain interprets songs. Whether that be a melancholic riff, a lyrical fallacy or an association to pre-existing media, your interpretation of a song is personal, and real. Maybe you associate a certain verse in a heavy song with your life, like how I feel about “I just sighed, I just sighed just so you know.” which features a bridge;

“I’m a little bit drunk and I mean just a little bit, no lush in denial only rather coquettish. I’m fifteen years old and my parents’ only son, like I barely survived a girl’s school education. Prettier now that you’ve grown your hair long, I’m a slip of a man since I’ve cut all mine off”While later dedicated to people like me, aged 14 this song had me in some sort of hold. I was excited to turn 15 purely so I could relate to this song even more; even though I desperately wanted to be out of the state that got me into it in the first place. This song was personal to me because it described my situation; and it’s also the most viscerally upsetting reaction I’ve had to a song. The jagged intro, sharp verses, begging chorus’, it would never fail to ruin my mood.
Yet I loved it. It was by far my favourite song, and even now though it drags me back into those formative years, it’s still easily in my top of all time for the impact it had on my life. I remember coming home daily, crushed by the weight of the dramatics of my friends and the impending doom of exams, blasting this into my ears in bed shivering in the cold winter days. They're not good memories; but they're memories.
This song had every aspect of what can make a song make you feel bad; dissonant instrumentals, screeching vocals, loud eruptions of noise. It was melodically dissonant, and lyrically resonant. It related to an important part of my life, listening to it when I was in a bad state with my crush/best friend at the time (As all queer love stories go, of course) and yet it was still the best thing since sliced bread to me.
It’s intriguing how easily human emotions can be triggered by music. One note out of scale in a melody may make you feel uneasy, like something is wrong, an amp growl can make you angry, there are a lot of small musical elements that you may subconsciously associate with certain emotions. The major and minor scale is the easiest way to describe it. We associate the major scale with upbeat, happy songs, and the minor scale with sadder songs. But why is that? And why on earth would you want to listen to that?Simply put, music that solidifies and reinforces our emotions can help us process them. Putting on Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” going through a breakup won’t help, but maybe her other hit “because i liked a boy” might.

Using music that reinforces your feelings can help bring out those emotions more, processing and getting over them quicker. It lets you cry to someone else’s sad story instead of focusing on yours, or even that human feeling of community; naturally, if you feel in tune with other people and you feel you’re suffering with them rather than alone, it makes you feel better. You’re not the only one in a situation, and it’s temporary. All of these combined make “sad music” universally adored, maybe more by some than others.Back to my original definition, you can definitely have music that makes you feel bad just from association. Your ex LOVED The Arctic Monkeys? I’m sure you can’t stand hearing “505” so often. Or it makes you miss them, who knows. But overall, someone you hate’s favourite song probably ranks low in your books. If you hate me, I’m sure every time you hear Los Campesinos! On BBC Radio 6 you grimace, or everytime you hear “Fill in the Blank” in some Indie music shop you turn your earphones up. Hatred by association is a surefire way to get emotional over music. Another great example from me is the song “I will always think of you” from the Bojack Horseman soundtrack.

This show is a great representation of personality disorders, how they effect people differently, and what the difference between someone who doesn’t care about who they hurt and blame it on their past vs someone that actively tries at every opportunity to be better really is. I could talk about this show forever, so for now all I can say is give it a go. The song itself is played during pivotal moments in the nearing end and end of the show, to show a backstory to the most abusive characters in the show; but also showing the generational trauma passed down upon them and that they pass down itself. Basically, it’s used in moments that hurt. It’s very simplistic musically, a piano melody with no other instrumentation other then vocalists with simple lyrics made to mimic a 1940-50's love song. On its own, the song seems like a pleasant homage to this time period, but I’m sure most who’ve watched and hold the show it originated from dearly would argue the exact opposite. This is a perfect example of emotion by association, and how a perfectly innocent song can make you feel the exact same as a song with more overtly dark undertones. A cheeky final example I can use - that probably hits the target audience of this a lot more - is anything from the Minecraft OST. You probably hear “Subwoofer Lullaby” or “Mice On Venus” and instantly relax into the nostalgia of building in creative, listening to tutorials to make a perfect house (and then ruining the roof, those damn stairs) or playing special packs with your friends, talking about the legendary Xbox360 red ring of death rumour. It's a very simplistic soundtrack, thinly textured but well mixed, yet there's this overwhelming sense of calm and nostalgia associated with it.So, what’s the point in all this? Are these songs good or bad?Personally, I’d argue any song made with the intention of hurting the listener that achieves that is a brilliant song. Being able to contol your listener’s mind like a puppet is incredibly impressive, and lets your music dig so deep into someone’s brain it becomes a part of it forever. Whether that means everytime they feel sad they go to your song, or they recommend it to everyone they know whenever they can, having a lasting effect on someone is a sign of a well written song, whether that be harmonically, melodically, rhythmically, or lyrically.
If your music can evoke emotion, it’s made well. Whether that means the music wants to make you get up and dance around like you’re drunk in Mallorca a decade or so ago, (Holy Smoke 2005)

- Or, you’re wanting to lay around and lament the life you could’ve lived if not for the people in power,

Music that can make you feel something, anything, is beautiful.End

Forenotes:
I really want to research this article more and provide a deeper, psychological look into what makes good music make you feel bad, but I didn’t quite have the time. I’d love to revisit this at some point, but for now this article is totally my opinion only, and may be factually incorrect. I have a short playlist (because, if I allowed myself more than about 3 songs per album it’d go on forever...) of songs that are super impactful to me personally, in that they were sad songs in formative parts of my life or were situational songs that make me think of certain things, people or places. Feel free to give it a listen, though I have to warn you it isn’t super diverse haha.
I’d love to hear people’s thoughts on this, and hear their own impactful sad or angry songs. Even situational songs like how I feel strongly about I will always think of you or Mr Blue because of their relevance in a show I admire. Feel free to comment on this article (when my comments are up and running, thank you to my backend developer Proxi for your hard work!) or email me at [email protected] if you’re shy.
This topic means a lot to me, and it’s hard to describe properly so I’m totally gonna edit all over this plenty of times when I find something new, so please bare with me haha.
Lots of love, Troxi x

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Songs of October

9/10/24 - Troxi

1047 Words

LAST EDITED: n/a

I think as a part of this blog, I really want to do a monthly breakdown on 3-5 songs, their impact, why I chose them and why you should listen! So here comes the first 5. And hey - I promise I'll try my hardest not to include LC! every single month. (Though god knows it'll be hard..!)

• Songs of October Playlist

1. Jupiter Pluvius - ME REX

I discovered ME REX just a week or two ago, opening for Los Campesinos! on the Mortal Joy tour and I have to say without a doubt I've been missing out on their music beforehand. Jupiter Pluvius is their most popular track - and for good reason!
JP blends a simple melodic line with complex lyrical content and classic punk-rock shouty vocals, the thin texture bringing all attention to the singer's words. The shouted vocals blended with the calmer chorus makes for a great song to shout along to, and I really enjoy the references to the outer space and galaxy. The lyrics in this song are difficult to understand in a way that's profound but still fun, and despite its simplistic style melodically the main hook on keys is incredibly catchy, mixed on top of the rest of the instruments. The mastering of this track really elevates it, the keys on top rather than hidden in the mix really brings the otherwise slightly messy symphony together, and again, HOW is it so catchy?!

Favourite lyric: Cassiopeia, Ursa Major. Your face appears in cracked brick formations.

2. Girl Clout - Fresh

Ironically, this track is another I discovered through Los Campesinos. Fresh opened for LC! on their American tour, though I actually found this through the Mortal Joy tour pre-show playlist! I immediately had to find it, and it's been stuck in my head all week.
Fresh's lyricism is alot more simplistic than what I'm used to, but I think it works well in their favour. The vocal style is more punk-rock style shouted lyrics, and the band lineup seems to inhabit this a lot. This song mostly revolves the struggles of being a smaller band in a bigger space and people using you for brownie points. I really enjoy the idea behind this song, and although fairly simplistic melodically and lyrically, it establishes itself well and has some really nice cases of dissonance mostly with the guitar throughout the piece. I really enjoy the theme throughout this song of an underlying sexism/misogyny problem in the indie scene and I can really feel the singer's anger through her powerful voice.

Favourite lyric: Played shows with us for "GIRL CLOUT", tell me you're "one of the good guys!"

3. Adult Acne Stigmata - Los Campesinos!

Okay don't flame me. I wouldn't be me without at least ONE LC hit...
AAS is a beautiful ending to a beautiful album, with callbacks to previous LC series, being the unofficial sequel to the Heart Swells songs. I think in this day and age we really are lacking in well produced, meaningful acoustic hits and AAS really fixes this. The song divulges into insecurities and youth, with a fitting end to the album talking about how life really is "All Hell." The song explores the duality of hopefulness and despair and the feeling of life; whether that be in terms of self-consciousness or the people around you.
AAS is definitely one of those sleeper hits that you don't really expect to land in your favourites, but it definetely does. It's hard to say a lot about this song; I feel like it speaks for itself.

Favourite lyric: My eyes shine like two pound coins I found upon the pool table rail, Heart swells, You're so beautiful, the sky is blue, But we both know too well. It's all hell.

4. Clown Blood; or, Orpheus' Bobbing Head

Hey, I said at LEAST one.
Clown Blood is easily the best track on All Hell for me, it's upbeat, it's shouty, it's everything LC excel at!
With a swinging intro straight into the hook and bridge, it captivates in a measily 4 minutes, I'd argue it could easily be longer. The lyrical content in Clown Blood is definetely one of my favourites on All Hell, it's such an angry hit and it's gotta have one of the best indirects on All Hell. 4 short lines - 97 characters - is apparently all it takes to write a slashing takedown. The best part? If you have no idea who, or what I'm talking about, the song is still made for you. LC do a perfect job at throwing shade in such a way that it serves as a highlight to the people that would recognise it, but be undetectable by the rest. Despite this, I don't want to only give Clown Blood credit for this. Clown Blood, and Holy Smoke (though this isn't my focus) are both the funnest songs to scream on All Hell, capturing some of LC's original charm whilst both having intense and opinionated lyrical content, a catchy hook and melody, and a whole lot of love.

Favourite lyric: My voice moved hades so he extinguished the fire, I'm who they mean when they proclaim "THE BOY'S A LYREEEEE"

5. neon glow - glass beach

I discovered glass beach a few years ago, from their hit "bedroom community" and since then haven't dabbled much in their music, but this song really resonates with me. I think glass beach really excels at their melodic counterparts and mixing rather than their lyrics, though they definingly aren't bad! And hey, any band that covers carseatheadrest is interesting to me! I'd recommend glass beach to anyone that likes a huge mix of synths and distorted guitar, this song is super fast and catchy, with a beautiful slowed down section towards the end. glass beach aren't afraid of experimenting, and that's one of my favourite things in music. If you like this track, I'd really reccomend "bedroom community" and "cold weather," two hits from the same album. I can't comment much on the rest of the album as I haven't listened much, but definitely want to in the future!

Favourite lyric: You reach out to grab my hand to hold me close, while we float away from everything we loved

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Los Campesinos! and ME REX, Brighton

8/10/24 - Troxi

1219 Words

LAST EDITED: 10/10/24

I don't think I'll ever find a band as culturally and mentally impactful to me as Los Campesinos.LC have had an interesting last few years in the industry; from COVID making touring undeniably abysmal to a certain strange public figure endorsement skyrocketing the band into small internet-stardom, the band has definitely had a lot to adapt to. The first time I saw LC, I was a starstruck 14 year old, wandering around the streets of Shoreditch trying to find the entrance to Village Underground. I had gotten the tickets a day before, hidden under a cloth by my best friend in a maths class I never honestly really ever paid attention to, frantically texting a random middle-aged man on Twitter my PayPal information asking to hold the tickets to as soon as I got out of the class. Really, I definitely shouldn't of been allowed in, and at the very least I was incredibly lucky to find such a kind stranger to give me the resale to this gig. It was an over 16s event (Village Underground's policy, at the time) and I had no way of assuring I could get in. Luckily for me, I had yet to make an NHS Covid pass that I needed to get in anyway, so I just forged my age on that. Maybe not the smartest idea.Basically, this gig shouldn't of happened for me in any conceivable way.But it did; and it shaped my life.LC were my first "small" gig, before, I had gone to twentyonepilots at Wembley, and P!ATD at the O2 (before Brendon Urie decided to ruin his image..) and I can unequivocally say nothing will ever compare to the night I had that day in 2021.
The LC atmosphere of the fanbase at that time was truly at its peak; a small amount of newer fans - such as myself - surrounded by hundreds of burly, yet kind 30 year old men. I'd never felt so safe around a bunch of balding men, but LC was different. And as much as it meant to me then, screaming my favourite song for the first time, it meant to me last week, screaming the same song, albeit 3 years older, and absolutely none the wiser.
There's truly something special about recognising a song to be so dear to yourself to the point you claim it as your own; crying comparing the lyricism to your life experiences, only for the band to dedicate it to yourself and your community that you were so scared to admit to your 14 year old self.Los Campesinos! new release, "All Hell" was the focus on this small England tour, titled aptly the "Mortal Joy tour" in reference to the even more amazingly named track "To Hell In a Handjob." The setlist consisted of a staggering 9/15 songs of All Hell, along with LC classic sleeper hits for weeping dipshits. "Banger after banger," Gareth claimed, and I feel that's the best way to describe how the setlist felt. Every song's distinctive intro elicited an "OHH!" or "YES!" from the crowd (Okay, maybe from me at least..) and even the bar staff at the venue could be seen scrapping along, dancing around to the unique melodies and existential lyrics. The speakers seemed more of a suggestion, the band tearing up the stage with as much energy as a band so old now could possibly muster, impressively so. Hurling drinks around, breaking microphone cables, and feet clung to the security barrier, Gareth and co's energies were something to be marveled, a smile plastered over their faces at all times. You can honestly tell this band love what they're doing, love their fans, and love their songs and that genuinely adds so much sincerity to their performances, something many bands these days are lacking.LC are unequivocally pioneers in leading the indie emo scene to make a change, politically and socially. Since Troxy, LC's biggest ever headline show, earlier this year, they have displayed 2 beautiful custom made banners draped off their Clavia Nord Wave and drinks table (that is never actually used, by the way) with 2 telling messages-
Freedom to Palestine, and free healthcare and safety for all trans people.
As well as this, these aren't just words; these are actions too. LC have donated upwards of £5000 to both of these causes, only play at independent venues, and only play at venues with gender neutral facilities. Even in tickets, LC reserve around 10% of all of their tickets to cost £5 only for low income locals that wish to see them, and although you may wonder how that goes, these tickets are often the last to sell out, people preferring to head to resale rather than snap up tickets from those who need them. LC are one of the few bands, rare these days to stand up to society and try to make a change, embodying the old ideology of the punk movement and putting it to good use. It's incredibly admirable, and a trait I hope more bands adopt.Another in the long list of LC's good deeds, is ME REX. ME REX opened for the Mortal Joy tour, and LC never disappoint with their opener choices. A small band based in Brighton and London, close to the seafront with only 3000 monthly listeners on Spotify as of writing. ME REX's lyricism is rival to Gareth's, as said by himself, and is a small band to 100% look out for in the future. Their song "Jupiter Pluvius" is a beautiful song lyrically and melodically, the shouted vocals stripped back, imperfect but meaningful are beautifully executed, and the small keyboard riff is not only stupidly catchy for how simplistic it is, but a perfect topper for such a simple thin texture. As per usual, I'm absolutely kicking myself for not listening to them before entering the gig, they're easily in my top 5 bands now that I've given them a closer look and I'd easily advise you to give them a listen, especially the aforementioned song.
Brighton, and even CHALK itself as a venue was a perfect quaint place for this tour. With a highest capacity of around 800, it's easily the smallest venue I've seen LC! in, which is pretty impressive. Even funnier, the venue doubled as a nightclub only an hour after we were shuffled out into the seaside breeze.There's something truly satisfying about having such a personal connection with a band, starstruck looking up to see them for the first time, alone hopelessly in love with your best friend in the worst depressive period of your life, and years later coming to terms with your past and your present, arms around your current partner with not a care in the entire building, jumping along to You! Me! Dancing! - screaming in eachother's faces hand in hand. These moments, generally, are the ones that make you grateful for the life you've lived, even just for a moment, before you go back to reality.Thank you to ME REX, and especially to Los Campesinos! for such a beautiful night as always, and I hope to continue my gig streak at Troxy for Febuary (Hey, Troxy? but I'm Troxi... Wonder where that came from ;))10/10/24 - Double header tickets secured.. ;)

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